That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize