he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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