She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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