...so i touched it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
