help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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