Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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