just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
