just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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