i just wanna soil my oats bro
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
