Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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