Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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