My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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