But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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