I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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