and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
