We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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