Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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