Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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