Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
