either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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