I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Houston, we have a squirter
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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