***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
please come you make the beer taste better
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
