Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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