I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
