So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
