I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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