Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
