they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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