my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
