i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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