I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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