We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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