I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
