sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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