apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
