Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
