I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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