how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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