there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
