Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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