i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize