there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
