I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
