If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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