hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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