I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
