I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
