Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
