it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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