She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
