Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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