I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
