first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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