I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize