on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
