And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
