she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
