Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
