she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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