Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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