She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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