I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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